i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
