We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
