Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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