I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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