called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
