Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.