Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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