apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
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My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
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Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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