I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
