Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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