I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
