you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
