God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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