he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We're too hungover to prance.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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