He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
