Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
