You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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