i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
