You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
