Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
