Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
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I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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