i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
