The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
