he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
