Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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