I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
