Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
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He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
God I need to hump something, right now.
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