If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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