I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
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On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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