I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
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That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
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i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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