I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize