omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
