My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just want nice things and good sex
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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