At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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