with your own penis?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
