one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
