isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
