Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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