I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
