dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
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I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
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So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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