Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
