I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
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