whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
