Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
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