it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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