please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
