found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
