all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
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He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Rumble strips road head = magical
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
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I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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