i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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