he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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