I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
