I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
