pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
