11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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