Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
