Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
