Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
