My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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